


one thousand paper cranes

by ewagan



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 06:52:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1295551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewagan/pseuds/ewagan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are many stories about people who wish upon stars, as many as they are about people who make wishes and do impossible things for those wishes.</p><p>Some nights, his fingers are sliced to ribbons when he goes to bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one thousand paper cranes

The stories say that if you fold one thousand paper cranes, your wish will come true. Like many stories, they don't end so well but the sentiment behind it is what catches his attention.

Kaworu is not sure he believes in it, not in the broken world they live in. There is little harm in trying, though he does not tell Shinji about it.

It is in the evening that he makes them, when Shinji is asleep and Kaworu has no one but the moon to keep him company.

Some nights, his fingers are sliced to ribbons when he goes to bed.

 

It's Shinji who asks, concern in his face when he looks at Kaworu's taped up fingers. 

"It's nothing." Kaworu brushes it off with a smile. It's his wish for Shinji, and he would die for Shinji. He has before, but perhaps this time he won't need to.

 Shinji's furrowed brow only makes him lean over and smooth it out with gentle fingers. "It's really nothing, I promise." Shinji looks worried about him nonetheless.

 It's a sight that makes Kaworu want to hold Shinji and make sure that he never looks like that again, especially not for him. Never because of him. He’s not worth it.

 Kaworu kisses Shinji's hand, in the middle of his palm like it's a promise, an assurance.

 It’s not. Not really.

 

There are many stories about people who wish upon stars, as many as they are about people who make wishes and do impossible things for those wishes. Some have happy endings, though those interspersed with tragedy are far more common.

Shinji's attempts to be unobtrusive only make Kaworu smile somewhat ruefully, because he wants all of Shinji's time. As much of it as he is allowed, as much as Shinji is willing to give him. There's the echo of piano melodies in the ruins as he teaches Shinji to play the piano, using it as an excuse to get close to him, to stay close.

Shinji is warm in his arms, smelling faintly of sunlight. He doesn't object, and Kaworu smiles to himself.

 

Sometimes Shinji comes to him, begging to be held in an unspoken manner. Kaworu knows that it means he's been turned away again by Gendo Ikari or Rei, and he wonder why Shinji keeps trying. But it is not for him to understand, but to soothe. So he holds Shinji in his arms and he kisses away Shinji's sadness.

There's never any words when they come together this way, but Kaworu treasures them anyways. Shinji's hands dig into his skin and sometimes they leave marks, but Kaworu doesn't care. If the world sees that he belongs to Shinji, it would only be better for him.

Every fibre of his being has already been devoted to making Shinji happy. What are a few scratches in the face of that?

 

There's six hundred and fifty seven paper cranes when Shinji tells him about the stars. Kaworu spends most of the night looking at Shinji rather than the stars, though he is listening when Shinji tells him the story of Orihime and Hikoboshi, though he knows them by a different name from a different life.

Shinji is beautiful that night, and Kaworu tells Shinji how much he loves him in every kiss he presses against his skin.

It's not enough, it will never be enough, but it will have to do.

 

When he removes the collar around Shinji's neck, he presses a gentle kiss at Shinji's nape. Kaworu loves Shinji more than he can express properly, so he makes do the best he can. Shinji clings to him in a way that can almost be termed desperate.

So later when they are in the EVA together, Kaworu can only think that he hasn't made enough paper cranes. Nine hundred and seventy eight is not one thousand, and he needed one thousand to make his wish for Shinji's happiness come true.

"I'm sorry. This wasn't the happiness you desired." He remembers smiling and wishing he could make Shinji stop looking like that. He doesn’t want Shinji to be in pain, not because of him. Never because of him.

 _We'll meet again._ It’s more a wish than a promise.

There weren't enough cranes.

Maybe his wish would come true anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
